Is Ian's gentle heart gone forever?

It snowed Thursday night and when I woke up Friday morning, there was a fresh blanket of snow laying on the ground. I scrambled for the remote to check for school closings. I was praying for school delays. Last thing I wanted to be was stuck at home with all three kids for the day. It may sound horrible to say, but it's every mothers secret fear. I enjoy my alone time during the day. The Kitchen stays clean, there is no screaming or fighting, and I don't have to answer to anyone as to where I'm going. And, most importantly, I don't have to entertain a bunch of kids who don't appreciate it anyway. As I turned on the news, I anxiously awaited our school district to pop up. I had to look for two counties, Calvert for Regan and Ian, and St. Marys for Connor. Calvert pops up and its a 2 hour delay. Thank God! St. Mary's pops up and they are closed. Oh well, two out of three is not bad at all. Connor sleeps for most of the day anyway, and he could really care less if I was even breathing. I guess that is all teenagers.
As I took Regan to the bus stop, she asked me why Connor was still in bed. I had to remind her that Connor's school is in a different county, trying not to tell her school was closed for him. I tried to dance around it, but she just kept probing. "Well if Connor is two hours late he should be up getting ready" I said "If he was two hours late he should be getting ready." Regan is like a mother hen. That's a nice way of putting. Question after question kept coming from her. Finally I said "Regan, enough already, he is off today!" The worst noise you could ever have to hear in the morning filled up the hoopty. Just as she was having a break down, the best site I could ever see came around the corner, the bus. One down, and one to go, Ian.
Ian wasn't very happy about Connor staying home either. I had to hear his ranting and raving about why he should get to stay home too. If I had to hear this isn't fair one more time, I was going to loose it! Trust me, if I was making the decisions, everyone would be in school. Ian really had a breakdown when I reminded him he had wrestling practice when he got home. This has been another issue around the house. Ian is in 5th grade and decided he wanted to try wrestling out. Some of his friends wrestle and So Ian got convinced somehow that he might like it. Plus, he thought the shoes were really cool. When he first told me this, my heart jumped in my throat. I really can't stand wrestling. Pat and his brother wrestled. I remember going to matches and looking around and seeing all the pasty, emaciated looking boys. They were all starving themselves to make weight. I was adamant that my son was never going to do that or wrestle for that matter. Eleven years later, here I am faced with the issue I thought I would never have. Years ago when Ian first saw a singlet, he was appalled. "Dad, that is way to tight! I don't want people to see my privates showing." That's all she wrote. Pat was disappointed but I was overjoyed. How did this all turn around? I still have no clue.
Last weekend, Pat entered Ian in a sort of scrimmage tournament. He said he had to get his feet wet before the real tournaments. I was crushed. I knew Ian was in for it. This is not an easy sport when you are a gentle heart like Ian. For goodness sakes, he picked kids up off the field during football games if he tackled them. And if he hurt them, it was even worse. He would feel so bad. Now he has to purposely go out and hurt someone. Now I walk into the gym right before Ian has to wrestle, and as soon as I walk to the corner of the mat, there are two kids wrestling about 7 or 8 years old. The kid on the bottom is on the bottom begging for the kid on top to stop hurting him. As the tears rolled down this little boys face, I lost it! I started to cry. I just wanted to rip that kid on top off and say stop!!!! I must have cried off and on the whole time we were there. Ian would lose, he would start crying and then I would start crying. Ian would lose again. He would start crying and I would start crying. Just when I was about to cry again, Regan walked up to me and said "jeeze louise, this room is filled with a lot of emotion!" I started to laugh hysterically! I looked aroung the room, and seriously, almost every boy who lost, came off the mat in tears. I didn't know if I could do this all year.
Well, today Ian had his first real tournament. I thought I was going to die when I learned he was wrestling a girl. My heart just sank. If he loses, he would be given a ration of shit from his teammates, not to mention the humiliation of it all. The whistle blew and they went at it. I was videotaping but I was just numb. She put up a good fight. That's for sure. Ian was wrestling with a lot of adrenaline. I knew he probably had the same thoughts I had. Ian was winning in points by the end of the first period. When the second period started, I was just wishing it would end. Luckily Ian put her in a head lock and pinned her for his sake. What boy could have lived that down? The girl got up crying from being practically choked to death and Ian didn't seem to feel bad at all. He was feeling pretty victorious. Where was Mr. Gentle Heart today? I hope he is not gone forever because I will miss him very much. If this is what wrestling does, I dislike it even more.